


How to Get an Uncooperative Orphan Into a Dead Troll's Castle to Live Happily Ever After With a Princess, Her True Love, and Six Kittens

by Raberba girl (Raberba_girl)



Series: All my alternate universe Kingdom Hearts fanfiction [9]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Fairy Tale Retellings, Kittens, Puss in Boots - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-07
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-12-25 08:35:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raberba_girl/pseuds/Raberba%20girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saïx never wanted a cat, much less an obnoxious talking one. Axel could have done just fine wandering the streets on his own, but then he'd be kittenless, see? Platonic AkuSai "Puss in Boots" retelling for Axel/Saïx Day 2012.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fire & Moonlight: Don't Worry (theme 57)

How to Get an Uncooperative Orphan Into a Dead Troll's Castle to Live Happily Ever After With a Princess, Her True Love, and Six Kittens

(rough draft)

A Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl

_For (a very late) Axel/Saïx Day, 7 August 2012_

 

Summary:  Saïx never wanted a cat, much less an obnoxious talking one. Axel could have done just fine wandering the streets on his own, but then he'd be kittenless, see? Platonic AkuSai "Puss in Boots" retelling for Axel/Saïx Day 2012.

 

A/N:  **"Trollanort" is a fandom name for Young Master Xehanort.**

 

This story ended up being not very AkuSai-ish at all, but whatever.

 

Lol, this was initially meant to be a standalone one-shot, but I decided at the last minute to attach this story to one of the _Fire & Moonlight_ prompts and knock out another installment of the challenge. XD

 

**_Fire & Moonlight_ ** **, a Kingdom Hearts fanwork:  Drabble challenge by Wishing-Fire, written by Raberba girl**

**Don't Worry (Theme 57)**

 

Once upon a time, there were three brothers named Xemnas, Xigbar, and Saïx.  When their father Xehanort died a mysterious and very grisly death, each of them was left to make his own way in the world.

 

Xemnas, as the eldest brother, got first dibs on the inheritance.  "Kingdom Hearts is mine," he said immediately.  "Her sublime beams of hate/grief/desperation-drenched effulgence shall bathe my mortal flesh with the revolution of an ecstasy in the twilit shadow between Light and Darkness, until the Void shall open and consume all my being in a burst of glorious encompassing oblivion--"

 

"Yeah, whatever; I get the weapons," Xigbar interrupted.  He grinned at his younger brother.  "Guess that leaves you with just the cat, Moonwolf."  They all looked down for a moment at the ginger-furred creature who went by the name Ultimate Void.  Ultimate Void was sitting near Saïx's feet, watching them with an unsettlingly keen emerald gaze.

 

"I don't want the cat, and stop calling me that."

 

"You're outta luck, bro.  It's either the cat or nothing."

 

"Then I will take Nothing, thank you.  Farewell."

 

"Farewell, young Luna Diviner," Xemnas intoned.

 

"Later, Moonwolf," Xigbar called more flippantly.

 

Thus Saïx began his journey, thinking to find some suitable occupation in the nearest village and set up a modest living for himself.  Presently, however, he discovered that the cat he had tried to reject as his inheritance was following him.  "Leave.  I don't want you."

 

"And I suppose it never occurred to you to ask if _I_ wanted _you_ ," the cat pouted.

 

Saïx stopped walking and stared.  "You talk."

 

"Congratulations, Sai, I've decided to let you in on my awesome secret."

 

"Don't call me that."

 

"And by the way, my name's not Ultimate Void, it's Axel.  Your oldest brother is an idiot."

 

"I agree if the sentiment if not the technicality."

 

"So!  Now that you have the _best cat ever_ , wanna play a game?"

 

"No."

 

"It's called Make Saïx Rich and Happy So He'll Let Me Wallow In Luxury Forever."

 

"You're not even my cat.  Go away."

 

"Aw, c'mon, Sai, don't you want to marry a princess?"

 

"No."

 

"What?!  _Every_ guy wants to marry a princess!  ...Unless you'd rather have a prince."

 

"Certainly not."

 

"A scullery maid, then?  Goose girl?  Nerdy librarian?"

 

"I'm going to kick you in a minute if you don't leave me alone."

 

"Thanks for the warning, I'll stay out of range.  So who _do_ you want to marry, then?"

 

"I am under no obligation to marry at all, just as I am under no obligation to avoid snapping your neck and using your pelt to make a pair of mittens."

 

"Grouchyface.  So, since you won't let me marry you off, you have to get me a pair of boots to make up for it."

 

"This logic of yours is significantly flawed.  What do you need with boots, anyway?"

 

"What do _you_ need with pants, huh?  Mind your own business."

 

"You would do well to take your own advice."

 

"My advice stinks, I'll give you a princess instead.  If you're nice to me, I'll even make sure she's pretty and not an idiot."

 

And so, Saïx was forced to put up with his odd companion until the following morning, when he awakened to discover that his room at the inn was devoid of felines.  He cheerfully gathered his things and went on his way, assuming himself to be rid of his inheritance at last.

 

Axel, however, had not abandoned him.  In the palace of that country's ruler, a servant came in to announce in a tone of amazement, "Your Majesty, the next one is...umm...."

 

"Well, show him in," the king said impatiently.  His beautiful daughter shifted in mild curiosity.  Then both sat up in astonishment when a ginger cat strolled into the throne room, walking upright on his hind legs like a human and clad in a pair of sturdy leather boots.

 

"Your Majesty," the cat announced, "I am Axel, servant of Saïx the Luna Diviner.  I have come to pay my respects to Your Majesty on his behalf."  He held up the result of his pre-dawn hunting trip.

 

"It's so _cute_!" the princess squealed in delight.

 

 _"Put me_ down _,"_ the honey-brown kitten yowled in cat-language.

 

"This creature," Axel declared grandly, "is the offspring of an unblemished lineage of top-notch hunting cats, and will prove to be a fine addition to your menagerie.  He is a gift, as a sign of the Diviner's friendship and goodwill."

 

 _"You_ kidnapped _me, and as soon as I get loose, I'm gonna scratch out your eye,"_ the kitten snarled, though his threat sounded like nothing more than high-pitched squeaks to the humans in the room.  Axel simply smiled and patted his fluffy honey-brown head, dodging a swipe from the outraged kitten's paw immediately afterwards.

 

"He's _adorable_!" the princess gushed.

 

"Well!" the king exclaimed in lingering astonishment and growing pleasure, "I must say, this is quite unexpected, but--  Well!  Run along with this Luna Diviner's gift, Jasmine.  I'd like to have a talk with our fascinating guest!"

 

The princess went away, cooing so sweetly to the kitten that he started purring and forgot to try to draw blood, while her father had his unusual guest seated and eagerly began plying him with questions.

 

Later that afternoon, as Saïx was submitting job applications, he was dismayed to walk out of a shop and find Axel lounging by the entrance.  "Took ya long enough," the cat drawled.

 

Saïx turned his back and walked away.

 

"Hey!  Is that any way to treat your best friend?" Axel yelped indignantly, leaping to his booted feet and hurrying after him.

 

"I don't have friends, and why are you back to pester me?  I thought you were gone."

 

"Of course I wasn't gone for good, I'd never abandon you!"

 

"Abandon?  Interesting, I would have used a term with much more positive connotations."

 

"Hey, I've been working hard for you all morning, the least you owe me is lunch."

 

"I owe you nothing."

 

"Yeah, well, lemme rephrase that:  Buy me lunch, or I'll--"

 

"Or you'll what, exactly?" Saïx scoffed.

 

The cat smirked at him.  "I'll sing 'Friday.'"  Ten minutes later, he was feasting on a fish that had cost the last of Saïx's money.

 

"You'd better hope I find employment by tomorrow, or I'll be eating _you_ for dinner," Saïx sulked.

 

"Gotcha covered, Sai," Axel assured him through a mouthful of fresh trout.

 

Since Axel caught some plump rabbits along with the 'Luna Diviner's' next gift, Saïx had no reason to complain about lost meals, though, of course, he did anyway.  "What's that, dessert?" he scoffed once the rabbits had been consumed.

 

"No way!" Axel yowled, crouching protectively over the frightened black kitten.  "She's for the king tomorrow."

 

"Right," Saïx said dubiously.  "I'm going to bed now.  Do me a favor and disappear for good by the time I wake up."

 

"That wouldn't be doing you a favor, you _need_ me."

 

"About as much as I need mosquito bites," Saïx grumbled.

 

"You're just jealous because my boots are better than yours."

 

 _"Can I go home now?"_ the kitten asked miserably as Saïx went to lie down.

 

 _"Back to your broken jar in that garbage-strewn, rat-infested alley to get eaten by the first mangy stray mutt that passes by?"_ Axel snorted in cat-language. _"I don't think so."_

 

_"Not all the rats were mean...and me and Roxas got good at hiding from the dogs...."_

 

 _"Wouldn't you like to live someplace where you'll_ never _have to scrounge for food or hide from dogs?"_

 

 _"...I miss Roxas,"_ the kitten sniffled before giving way to cat-tears.  _"He said he would be back soon, but he never came back."_

 

Axel licked her head soothingly.  _"Maybe you'll see him again."_

_"Mama never came back, either.  I want my mama."_   She curled up against Axel's stomach and went to sleep.

 

 _"...You_ do _know I'm male, right?"_

 

The next morning, both Axel and the kitten were indeed gone, but Saïx was warier as he set out for more job hunting, expecting his unwanted inheritance to show up again at some inopportune moment.

 

Meanwhile, the king was squeeing over the return of his most fascinating guest ever, while his daughter was squeeing over what said guest had brought with him.

 

"Once again," Axel said grandly, brandishing the black kitten, "I have brought a gift from his Lunaness, Saïx the Diviner."

 

 _"Xion!"_   The first gift leaped out of Jasmine's lap and galloped over to the second gift, who met him with a series of excited mews once Axel put her down.

 

 _"Roxas!  Axel was right, I_ did _see you again!"_

 

_"Get behind me, Xion, I promised I'd claw this guy's eye out."_

 

"I hope you are pleased with my master's token of respect, Princess," Axel said as he deftly shoved the angry ball of honey-brown fluff away from his face.

 

"They're _adorable_ ," Jasmine gushed.  She came over to scoop up her new pets and cuddle them.  "Give the Diviner my thanks."

 

"Oh, I will."

 

"Stay and have tea," the king said enthusiastically, patting the chair beside him.  Which happened to be his daughter's, but Jasmine no longer needed it at the moment, since she was carrying the kittens away to play with.

 

_"Roxas, is this our new mama?"_

_"I dunno.  Doesn't matter, the food here's better than back home."_

_"Yay!"_

 

Throughout the rest of the week, Saïx went on searching for a way to sustain himself, Axel continued to catch their suppers along with tiny adorable fluffy things, and Roxas and Xion got so fat that Princess Jasmine couldn't count their ribs anymore.

 

"That's right, sweet things, go on, it's all for you," she crooned at the kittens as she set down a platter for them filled with meat and little bowls of milk.  "Eat up, we have a busy day today!  Father's actually going to let us _outside the palace walls_."  She smiled a little sardonically.  "Won't that be fun, shut up in a dark, stuffy carriage all afternoon.  We'll get to play at not being prisoners in our own home, it will be lovely."

 

Although Alice was still wandering around exploring her new home, Roxas immediately trotted over to the platter and set to work in a businesslike way.  Ven sniffed at the various foods with interest, Xion mewed appreciatively and licked Jasmine's fingers, Kairi head-butted her knee affectionately, and Naminé crept shyly toward the food as if afraid she would be pounced on and cuddled at any given moment, which was exactly what happened.

 

Across town, Saïx was being stubborn.  "There is nothing wrong with how I smell," he pouted, crossing his arms.

 

"Aw, c'mon," Axel said persuasively, "why do you think no one's hired you yet?"

 

"Because a certain cat is sabotaging my efforts at gaining employment."

 

"How did you--?!  Wait, no!  Of course not."  Axel coughed.  "What I was _gonna_ say is, if you take a nice long bath in the river and spruce yourself up, they won't get scared off by your ogreness and'll wanna hire you for sure!"

 

"Oh, _splendid_ idea, bathing in the river where anyone could come along and steal the only clothing I have left, leaving me in even more abject poverty than I already am."

 

"What are you, paranoid?  Don't worry, no one's gonna want to steal your smelly old clothes," Axel scoffed as derisively as he could.

 

Saïx looked down at his outfit, which was significantly shabbier than it had been when he'd left his brothers.  "I suppose that is a reasonable prediction...."  Which meant there was really only one explanation for why he later came out of the river to find his clothing vanished.  "AXEL."

 

The cat, however, was too far away to hear this wrathful cry, since he was down the road lying in wait.  As soon as the royal carriage rolled past, he leaped up and shamelessly flagged it down.  "Your Majesty!  Oh, Your Majesty!"

 

Hearing the familiar voice, the king looked out the window and exclaimed in pleased surprise.  "Why, it's Axel!  Stop the carriage, driver."

 

"So _terribly_ sorry to bother you on your countryside drive," the cat apologized, "but, oh, please, my master is in dire need of help."

 

"Oh, dear!  What seems to be the trouble?" the king said in concern, pushing open the door.

 

"Well, unfortunately, some thugs robbed him of his clothes and threw him in the river, and now he's drowning.  _Do_ be a dear and send someone to go fish him out, will you?"

 

"Oh, certainly!  At once!"

 

As the guards hurried off to assist the Luna Diviner, and the king followed after to anxiously oversee the rescue and meet his favored guest's mysterious master for the first time, Princess Jasmine gave the cat a dubious look.  "They robbed him of his clothes, huh."

 

"Every stitch of it.  He's buck naked," Axel added helpfully.

 

"You don't look very worried."

 

"Ah, your dad'll take care of it."

 

Xion poked her head up over the side of the basket to see who her new mama was talking to.  _"Hi, Axel!"_

 

 _"Hi, sweetie,"_ Axel purred, flicking his tail in response.

 

 _"What?  Axel?"_   Roxas clawed halfway over the basket's edge and glared.  _"I like it here.  If you make me go home, I'll bite your nose off."_

 

 _"The palace_ is _your home now, tiger,"_ Axel chuckled.

 

_"Good.  And stop sending us new sisters and brothers, they eat too much."_

_"Do not so,"_ Kairi objected.

_"You don't like us, Roxas?"_ Naminé mewed sadly, hunching down behind the snoring Ven.

 

Roxas went over to lick her cheek.  _"You're okay.  I just can't catch enough mice for all of you sometimes."_

_"I caught a mouse yesterday,"_ Xion offered, and Kairi licked her lips in appreciative remembrance.

 

 _"I don't think you have to worry about feeding us all, Roxas,"_ Alice mused, licking one of her paws fastidiously.  _"Mama always takes care of that."_

_"Maybe she won't always,"_ he said stubbornly.

Axel frowned.  _"Hey.  The whole point of collecting you fluffballs is so you'll never have to worry about being hungry ever again.  And even if something does happen to your new mama, I'll be the one catching food to make up for it, so you_ still _won't have to worry about being hungry.  Got it memorized?"_

 

Roxas flicked one ear, then the other.  _"Okay."_

 

"What are you sillies doing?" Jasmine laughed, scooping up Roxas and Xion to cuddle.

 

"Mew," they told her.

 

By that time, her father was heading back to the carriage with his guards and a rather disgruntled Saïx, who looked uncomfortable in the long black coat that one of the king's men had lent him.  His hair was still dripping wet.

 

"Oh, Master, I'm so glad you're safe!" Axel cried, trying not to laugh.

 

"Mittens," Saïx snarled.  "The instant I get you within arm's reach."

 

"You know what, I think I'll scout on ahead," Axel said cheerfully, turning to head down the road.

 

"Mittens?" the king said in puzzlement.

 

"Never mind.  Thank you for the coat, I will return it as soon as I can."

 

"Oh, nonsense, no need for that!  Come, you _must_ meet my daughter, she'll be thrilled!"

 

Saïx looked at the princess and noted that she seemed to be less than thrilled.  He bowed.  "Greetings, Your Highness."

 

"Hello," she said coolly.  "I suppose you think that pretty face of yours and the fact that you're less than ten years older than me is going to give you an edge over all your rival suitors.  Don't you think the bribery might have been overkill?"

 

"Jasmine," her father hissed.

 

Saïx blinked, not used to being addressed as 'pretty.'  Also, her joke about including him among her suitors was not all amusing.  "I have no idea what you're talking about."

 

"Why don't we continue on," the king said hurriedly.  Then, in a heated whisper, "Jasmine, be _have_."

 

She turned her face to glare sulkily out the window.

 

For a while, the two younger passengers sat in silence while the king nervously tried to make small talk.  The kittens, venturing out of their basket, crawled around to explore.  Xion rested in the crook of the princess's arm, purring in contentment as Jasmine petted her absently, but Roxas wriggled free and went to sniff suspiciously at Saïx.

 

_"You better not steal Mama or I'll bite you."_

 

Not being fluent in cat-language and, in fact, unaware that the kitten had even addressed him, Saïx finally sighed and spoke to the king.  "Your Majesty, I am very grateful for your assistance at the river, and I assure you that your daughter is, indeed, quite beautiful and...charming."

 

Jasmine, still staring out the window, straightened her shoulders defiantly.

 

"But I'm beginning to think there has been some sort of misunderstanding," Saïx went on, "involving my--  I mean, involving that insufferable talking stray that calls itself Axel.  He seems to be under the erroneous impression that he's entitled to control my life."

 

The king gave him a somewhat blank smile.  "He's a very nice cat, isn't he."

 

 _"You smell like vanilla,"_ Roxas finally decided.  _"I won't pee on you."_   He plopped down next to Saïx and started grooming himself.  Saïx sighed and gave up.

 

Jasmine, on the other hand, glanced at him, and noted that he was not even looking at her.  She suddenly shifted, drawing her legs up on the seat so that they leaned against Saïx.  He stared at them in a decidedly displeased way.  She smiled with narrowed eyes.  "All this sitting is making my legs fall asleep.  It's so uncomfortable and you're taking up quite a lot of room....  You don't mind me resting on you a bit, do you?"

 

"Not at all," he said through gritted teeth.

 

"Jasmine," the king sighed.  The kittens were all now watching with interest.

 

"Are you sure?" she went on testingly.  "Because you look disgusted enough to toss me out of the carriage right now."

 

"Jasmine!" her father exclaimed in a shocked voice.  "The Luna Diviner would never do something like that!"

 

"The king is correct," Saïx muttered.

 

"Because you're a gentleman, or because you'd be arrested if you tried?" she inquired, stretching out one leg across him.  He was now visibly leaning away, not that that helped him a bit.

 

"Jasmine, stop that," the king admonished.  "You're not being ladylike."

 

"And our dear Luna Diviner here," she said, anger giving more and more way to curiosity, "is not working very hard to make sure he comes out on top of the suitor dog pack.  Maybe he's so convinced he'll win my hand that he's not even bothering to try."

 

"I have no aspirations to marry you, if that's what you're talking about," he said bluntly.

 

"Then why in the world did you send me all these gifts?" she demanded.

 

"I sent you nothing.  I have a very strong suspicion that you can blame my cat for any misunderstanding.  Your Majesty, thank you very much for the opportunity to accompany you and your daughter, but I'm afraid I must be going now."

 

"No."  Eyes starting to light up with interest, Jasmine sat up and experimentally put a kitten on Saïx's shoulder.  She was amused when he flinched.  "I'd like to get to know you better, Luna.  What's it like where you live?"

 

"My place of residence cannot possibly be of any interest whatsoever to anyone, and don't call me that."  He remembered that he was speaking to royalty.  "Please."

 

 _"Do you think he would be fun to climb?"_ Alice wondered.

 

Her fellow kittens pounced on this idea at once.  _"Oooh, let's try it!"_

 

Meanwhile, Axel had made his way far ahead on the road, and presently came across a teenage boy with wild black hair and golden eyes fighting shadow monsters in a field by the road.  "Yo, kid!"

 

"Shut up and die," the boy yelled back, hurling his weapon.

 

Axel dodged it.  "Pest control can be a pain," he said amiably.  "You're good at it, though."

 

"I'm good at _everything_ ," the boy boasted, catching his weapon as it circled back around to him.

 

"Uh huh.  Bet your boss thinks so, too, right?"

 

"Next time he shows his stupid face, I'm gonna slice it half," the boy snarled gleefully.

 

"Wow, that bad, huh.  So you interested in working for someone else?"

 

Once that matter was settled, Axel continued on until he came to a second field, where a one-eyed man was casually gunning down more shadow monsters.  The man looked awfully familiar.  "Yo, Xigbar."

 

"Yo, talking cat," the man called back easily.  "Name's Braig, actually."

 

Who?  "Oh...great.  So, you bored?"

 

"Understatement of the month."

 

"You up for a prank?"

 

"Heh, you have to ask?"

 

Axel grinned.  "So, the king's gonna be coming by in a minute, it'll be hilarious if you tell him...."

 

Afterwards, the cat practically skipped onwards - everything was going perfectly.  He reached a third field, where a man with long silver hair was eliminating monsters with laser bolts.  He definitely looked familiar as well...this was a little creepy.  "Yo, Xem."

 

"Why do you despise the Void?"  Not-Xemnas turned around.  He looked younger, and his hair was tied back in a more professional style.

 

"Uh...did I say anything about a void?"

 

"All worlds begin in darkness, and all so end.  The rage of the Keyblade--"

 

"Hey, that's great.  So, Xemnas."

 

"My name is Terranort."

 

"Whatever.  I have a message from, uh, the Void."

 

Terranort stared at him, then strode closer.  "I'm listening."

 

Axel finally came to a great castle, second only to the king's palace in magnificence.  "Perfect," he said in satisfaction.  "Almost there, Sai."

 

He gained admittance, where none other than the great and terrible (and rather effeminate) Trollanort was waiting to meet him.

 

Axel frowned.  "You look familiar.  Saïx didn't have a long-lost twin, did he?"

 

"Hello, Ultimate Void," Trollanort said in his customary dead voice.

 

"That is _not_ my name, Xem is an idiot," Axel said hotly.  "My name's Axel."

 

"Your journey has been long," Trollanort intoned.  "You scramble madly to win the security you have so deeply sought, yet in your foolishness, you do not realize that you had lost from the start."

 

"Can we skip the nonsensical villainous monologue?  I've already had my fill of it from Xem."

 

Trollanort rose to his feet.  "The time has come for your destruction, creature."

 

"It's _Axel_.  And we'll see about that."

 

o.o.o.o.o

 

By the time the carriage reached the castle, a thoroughly exasperated Saïx was all too ready to burst out and march all the way home, despite the fact that he still wore nothing but a coat.  By the time the princess called him back and had extricated the kitten which had somehow gotten into his pocket, Axel was strolling out of the castle to greet them.

 

"Welcome!  Welcome, Your Majesty and Your Highness, to the Luna Diviner's humble abode!"

 

"Don't _you_ start," Saïx snapped.

 

"Mr. Diviner, are you sure there hasn't been a mistake?" the king wondered.  "Those golden-eyed men we passed all said the same thing...."

 

"I should think I know where I do or do not live!"

 

"Such a big place," Jasmine observed critically, "but kind of gloomy.  We're going to have to brighten it up a bit once I move in."

 

"That is no concern of mine.  Now, if you will excu--"

 

"Won't you all please come in?" Axel interrupted.  "We would be delighted to offer you refreshment, for as long as you like."

 

"That does sound nice," the king said.  "Come, Jasmine."  They both paused and looked back.  "Aren't you coming, Luna Diviner?"

 

"No."

 

"We have shoes," Axel said persuasively.

 

Saïx looked down at his bare feet and finally stalked back to them with a haughty look.

 

"Excellent!  Right this way, then."

 

"You seem quite comfortable here," Saïx said dryly as he and his cat fell behind the royalty.  "If I find out you've stolen this place, I'll...."

 

"Um, you'll what?" Axel prompted after a moment, a little apprehensively.

 

Saïx stopped dead, his eyes widening.  "That was supposed to be _rhetorical_!"

 

"Oh, was it?  Ha ha!"

 

Saïx made an attempt to seize the cat, who eluded him deftly and took refuge on top of a shelf in the entrance hall.  "You _did_ steal this castle, didn't you!"

 

"You can't steal stuff from a dead guy!"

 

Saïx's eyes went wide again, then narrowed in a murderous expression.  "You _killed_ the owner?"

 

"Technically, he ended his own existence, and it was actually Al's idea, not mine, so--"

 

Before Saïx could catch hold of him to throttle him, there was a scream from up ahead.  They both ran to the princess's aid, only to find her and a handsome young man wrapped in each other's arms.

 

"Jasmine, what is the meaning of this?!" the king was exclaiming.

 

Axel pointed.  "That's the guy!  I freed him from Trollanort's evil spell.  He came in handy, but--"

 

"Aladdin," Jasmine murmured in perfect contentment, "I thought you were dead."

 

 _"You're squashing me,"_ Roxas grumbled from between them.

 

"Sorry, I got kinda held up...everything's okay now, though."

 

"No, it's not!" Axel yelled.  "You're marrying _Saïx_ , not some random kid with buffer arms than me!"

 

"Uh... _are_ there people with skinnier arms than yours?" Aladdin asked doubtfully.

 

"Jasmine--" the king said, but she turned to interrupt him.

 

"Father, I love Aladdin - he's the one I'm going to marry."

 

"But I promised the Luna Diviner--"

 

"Sorry," Jasmine told Saïx sheepishly.

 

"All I want are some shoes, as was promised," Saïx said, glaring at Axel, "so that I can walk back home and get on with my life."

 

"Why are you thinking about shoes at a time like this?" Axel cried.  "You're about to lose the girl!"

 

"And _you're_ about to lose something vital as soon as I get hold of you."

 

 _"Are you mad, Axel?"_ Xion asked.

 

 _"I_ knew _it wasn't gonna last!"_ Roxas yowled, fighting unsuccessfully to get free.

 

"Hmm."  The king was eyeing Aladdin, who was dressed in rags.  "I don't suppose you're royalty or at least nobility, are you?"

 

"N--"

 

Jasmine elbowed him.

 

"Yes?"

 

"No, he's not," Axel growled.  "Al, you were just telling me that you lived on the streets before you came here!"

 

"Oh, dear," the king said in distress.  "Jasmine, you know the law.  Before your next birthday, you must be married to--"

 

"I would rather live on the streets with Aladdin than in a palace with anyone who's _not_ him!"  She glanced at Saïx.  "No offense, Luna Diviner."

 

"Why does everyone keep assuming that I care about any of this?" he wondered.

 

"Jasmine," her father said heavily, "don't be foolish.  You--"

 

"-- _are_ going to marry Saïx," Axel cut in, "so that you can both be rich and live in a big castle with lots and lots of great food so these kids'll never go hungry again."

 

"Kids?" Aladdin wondered.

 

"My courtship gifts," Jasmine explained, dropping Alice and Kairi into his arms and cuddling Xion and Roxas herself, as Ven and Naminé tried to crawl out of the basket to see what was going on.  "Luna, since you apparently don't care about anything, you won't mind if I keep your failed attempts to win my hand, do you?"

 

"These floors are cold," Saïx grumbled, shifting his bare feet restlessly.

 

"Jasmine," her father said in distress, "I can't just throw you out into the streets!  For once in your life, would you please stop being so stubborn and just let me take _care_ of you?"

 

"She actually won't be in the streets," Aladdin said thoughtfully.  "This castle doesn't have an owner anymore, so we can live here, you know?"

 

"It doesn't have an owner?" Jasmine said in confusion.

 

"This castle belongs to Saïx," Axel asserted.

 

"Don't listen to a word he says," Saïx warned.

 

Jasmine had been thinking.  "Boys, who owns this castle?  Tell me the truth."

 

"The truth?"

 

"Because here's what I'm seeing - I marry Aladdin, Father disowns me, we bring the cats with us to live here with Luna Diviner who doesn't care, Father's heir can be my firstborn son, and we all live happily ever after."

 

There was a long pause.

 

"Brilliant," Axel said.

 

"Works for me," Aladdin said.

 

"Do what you like; I'm going to go raid the first bedroom closet I find," Saïx said.

 

"I suppose I have no complaints with that arrangement," the king said.

 

 _"Oh,"_ Roxas noticed.  _"There's a mouse."_

 

 _"Catch it, Roxas!"_ Xion cheered.

 

Princess Jasmine did indeed wed her true love and was dutifully disowned, Saïx had no objection to the happy couple moving into the dead troll's castle which now seemed to belong to him, they discovered that the troll's treasure hoard was more than enough for them to maintain comfortable lives until the end of their days, Axel was able to retire with his six new adopted children, and they all indeed lived happily ever after.

 

_The end!_

 

Author's Notes:  I pretty much tried to give up on Pairing Days, but...it's _AkuSai_!  My OTP!  I can't fail them!  (So I told myself.)  But my original AkuSai Day plunny was just...really narmy, I couldn't bring myself to write it.  So I was casting about for last-minute alternatives instead, and finally, which I've done a lot for RuroKen but haven't really had to do for KH yet, I turned to fairy tales for inspiration.  "Puss in Boots" came to mind immediately, so here we are. :)

 

Heh heh, it's been a while since I've written this kind of fic....  I love stupid humor. ^^  Can't write it properly anymore, and my (de?)evolved attempts at it can be seen as decidedly lower quality than my usual writing, but I don't care, this sort of style and the kind I used to write still crack me up. ^^  When I first drafted this, I thought it was really stupid, and I still kind of think it is, but the kittens saved this story for me.  They're just too adorable. X3

 

Unfortunately, it was really late on August 7th and I was sleep-deprived while working on the second half of the fic, and the Axel vs. Trollanort scene was so bad that I gave up on finishing in time.  Coming back to it later, I just cut the scene out altogether. *sweatdrop*  It was rather late when I did so and I was sleep-deprived again, but at least I was able to finish the story, yay!  Two and a half months too late for AkuSai Day, unfortunately. ;;  Oh well.  Next year.

 

Complete:  51/101


	2. I'll Skip The Carpet Ride This Time

I'll Skip The Carpet Ride This Time

(rough draft)

A Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl

 

_2012 Christmas gift for Taliax_

 

Summary:  Axel the cat is lonelier than he should be, but not for long. Platonic AkuShi AU fluff.

 

A/N:  Takes place in the same universe as _How to Get an Uncooperative Orphan Into a Dead Troll's Castle to Live Happily Ever After With a Princess, Her True Love, and Six Kittens_ (a.k.a. the "Don't Worry" theme of _Fire & Moonlight_).

 

o.o.o

 

It was so like Saïx to go get a job even though he was now rolling in riches from the dead troll's treasure hoard....  With Al and the princess still on their "Let's visit every country in the known world! :D" vacation and the kids constantly sneaking out for joyrides with Carpet, Axel was often a lot lonelier than he should have been in a ten-member household (eleven if you included Carpet).

 

"Axel, what are you doing?"

 

"Being a cat," Axel said, not moving from where he lounged in a pool of sunshine.

 

"...I'm a cat," Xion said uncertainly, making him laugh a little.

 

"You're a _baby_ cat.  You're still at the run-around-like-crazy stage.  You're not big enough for the make-my-human-rich-so-I'll-have-a-nice-place-to-sleep-in-the-sun stage."

 

"...Oh."

 

She sounded so sad, he rolled his eyes to look at her.  "But you can sleep in the sun if you want to."

 

"Really?!"

 

"Sure."

 

She galloped over and plopped onto his stomach.

 

"Oof."

 

"You're soft," she said happily, snuggling.

 

He was a little exasperated to find himself purring.  "You are, too.  _All_ you kittens are ridiculously fluffy, it's not fair."

 

She rolled onto her back and gazed at him with a curious, irresistible look.

 

"You're also a mess.  C'mere."  He dragged her closer so he could start grooming her ruffled fur.

 

Settled comfortably between his front paws, she was the one purring now.  "Axel?"

 

"Hm?"

 

"Do you like being with me?"

 

"Of course I do, Xi."

 

"I'm glad."

 

"Why do you ask?"

 

"Because I want you to be happy."

 

"Well, that's sweet of you."

 

"I wouldn't have liked it if I missed the carpet ride and you weren't happy."

 

He paused.  "What do you mean?"

 

"You know.  I wanna be with you."

 

"...You mean you gave up going on a magic carpet ride with your brothers and sisters just so you could spend the afternoon with me?"

 

"Yeah."  She stretched out in a full-body yawn, then shuffled around in a circle until she was curled up against his chest.  "I love you, Axel."

 

"...Love you, too, Xi," he said softly.

 

"Can you come on the carpet ride with us next time?"

 

He laughed.  "Your wish is my command."

 

"Yay," she purred as she closed her eyes.

 

He laid his head down and dozed off again, now in a state of perfect contentment.


End file.
